. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . where ImagInatIon comes to play

Friday 11 April 2008

The Artist - "Lena's Letters"

part viii:

i tuck my toes between his calves and eventually
manage to squeeze in most of my cold feet without
too much protest. my arm wrapped around as
much of his thick midriff as i can, my right cheek
rests just below his shoulder blades. it comforts me
to feel the up and down motion of his lungs, to hear
his breath. i try and synchronize my rhythm to
his, without success. how does he sleep so soundly?
almost like he doesn’t know i’m here, in This bed,
our bed, caressing the length of his thighs, feeling
him, wanting him.

honey. ho-ney? are you awake? is what he said to
me tonight when he climbed into bed after a
night out with the boys! god, Richard, did
you really think i was awake? well, i was, but
how would you know. did you really think
i wanted to make love with you with your breath
and brain full of whiskey.

would you mind if i pretended i
was someone else

you told me tonight that you loved me. Just like
that. No reason. We weren’t making love or
anything…I was doing the dishes. Richard – you
had a tear in your eye when you said it. I don’t
understand…I wanted to so very, very much…i
reached to touch your tear but you blinked just

here i lay on my back staring at the ceiling, hoping
my ink won’t flow south for a bit…he’s beside me,
of course…well…his back is. snoring. how did i
get here? was this my choice, once? i mean…how
did i feel that day, when i decided? did i know
this day would come, the day where i would dream
of being anywhere else but here?....
so now what? what would Richard say if i got out of
this bed this very minute, got dressed, grabbed my
purse – oh geez…i’d need my warm coat, wouldn’t i...
the nights are getting cold - and walked out
the front door, just like that?
HA! would he even notice…

i was at the IGA today trying to decide what to
make you for supper. and i bumped into dave!
remember dave, what a crush he had on me in
high school? i don’t know…maybe you don’t.
actually, you probably never noticed…you took
for granted i would always be faithful to you.
i think i found that endearing about you
then, your faith in me…
well Richard,today i actually considered it – not
being faithful. oh, when he smiled at me, and that
glint appeared in his eyes..well..i might
have said yes. if he’d asked me to. in my mind,
he grabbed me right there in the middle of the
IGA and kissed me like …
you probably would never have found out though,
never noticed anything different about me, would you

I hate you sometimes. Today. I hate you for not even
pretending to care. I really needed you, Richard.


Polly said...

This is my favourite post so far. I think it can stand alone, even without the lead-in posts.

Marjolaine Hébert said...

Thank you, Polly. And I think of it also as a stand alone except that I don`t know where it should be standing...? I`ve thought of lengthening it, having it written like "Life on the Refrigerator Door".
Merci, chère.